About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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