believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
