u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
