can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
