god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
