I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
