How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
