So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
