why didn't you poke me back
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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