I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
