I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
