You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
