This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
