conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
