Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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