I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
