Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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