The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
