Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
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