his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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