she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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