you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
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