You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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