Cold hands, warm shart.
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
