Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
he shaved USA in his pubs
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
