I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
