Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
