I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
