I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Randomize
