The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
