we have pet lesbian snakes
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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