please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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