Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
