Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Moan for me like Helen Keller
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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