sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
