hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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