I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
