why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
