I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
