Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
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Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
A+ Viking dick
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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