Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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