I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
