it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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