Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
