I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
