you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
