That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
