This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
