Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
