I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
