well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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