so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
