You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
