I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
