i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
