there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
