Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i think i just lost a toe
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
