how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
