my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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