It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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