Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
