Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize