Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
