sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
