Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I'm just crazy horny about you
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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