I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
