A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
