It's like a parade of train wrecks.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
