I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
