he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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