last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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