If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
