Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
