I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
