Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
