Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
