I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Congratulations! We have a period
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