we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
