im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I love how my cats smell like pot.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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