You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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