Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
