my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
