I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
