maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
