what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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