Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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