Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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