You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the day after is always just damage control
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
