nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
