Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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