I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
