The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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