so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize