You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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