I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Randomize
