So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize