I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
