i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
